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Standing up for yourself doesn't make you a jerk.

Let's start with destigmatizing the idea of us being assertive as a bad thing, first of all!

Standing up for yourself shouldn’t come with guilt, shame, or the fear of being labeled as “difficult.” Yet, so many of us—especially women—have been conditioned to prioritize being liked over being heard. If you’ve ever bitten your tongue to avoid conflict or softened your words to make others more comfortable, you’re not alone. But advocating for yourself doesn’t have to mean being aggressive or unkind. It also doesn't have to feel icky or confrontational putting it into practice, either. It’s about setting clear boundaries, valuing your own voice, and communicating with confidence. Here’s how to do it without second-guessing yourself.

1. Shift Your Mindset: Speaking Up Isn’t Rude, It’s Necessary

Many of us have been taught that being polite means staying quiet. But silence often leads to resentment, burnout, and a loss of self-respect. Instead of thinking of speaking up as being rude, reframe it as being honest. Your thoughts, needs, and opinions matter just as much as anyone else’s. You have the right to express them.

2. Communicate with Clarity and Calmness

Being assertive doesn’t mean being loud or confrontational. It means being direct and clear. Instead of apologizing or over-explaining, practice getting to the point with confidence. For example:

• Instead of: “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can take on this extra work.”
• Try: “I won’t be able to take on this extra work at the moment.”

When you communicate without unnecessary apologies or justifications, people are more likely to respect your words.

3. Use “I” Statements to Own Your Boundaries

“I” statements help express your needs without putting the other person on the defensive. Instead of blaming or accusing, focus on how you feel and what you need.

• Instead of: “You never listen to me.”
• Try: “I feel unheard when my ideas are dismissed, and I’d appreciate it if we could discuss them more.”

This keeps the conversation constructive and focused on a solution.

4. Get Comfortable with Discomfort

Speaking up can feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you’re used to people-pleasing. But discomfort doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong—it means you’re growing. The more you advocate for yourself, the easier it becomes.

5. Practice Saying No Without Guilt

No is a complete sentence. You don’t need to over-explain, justify, or soften it to make others feel better. If saying “no” outright feels too abrupt, try:

• “That doesn’t work for me.”
• “I appreciate the offer, but I’ll have to pass.”
• “I don’t have the capacity for that right now.”

Your time and energy are valuable. Protecting them isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.

6. Recognize That You Can’t Control Others’ Reactions

Sometimes, people won’t like your boundaries. That’s their problem, not yours. If someone reacts negatively to you speaking up, it’s a reflection of their expectations, not your worth. Stay firm, and remember that setting boundaries strengthens relationships—it doesn’t weaken them.

7. Find Role Models and Support

Surround yourself with people who respect and uplift you. If you struggle with speaking up, look to those who do it well. Notice how they phrase things, how they handle pushback, and how they maintain their self-respect. Learning from others can help you build confidence in your own voice.

Give these a try!

Speaking up for yourself doesn’t make you a jerk. It makes you a person who values their own voice. The more you practice advocating for yourself, the more natural it becomes. You deserve to be heard, and you don’t need to apologize for that.

So go ahead—say what you mean, mean what you say, and stop worrying about how others will label you for it. The right people will respect you for standing your ground.

Here's some additional resources for ya if you want even more insight on how to empower yourself to be more confident and assertive:

Articles:

• "A Simple Way to Be More Assertive (Without Being Pushy)" by Andy Molinsky
• "How to Be Assertive Without Being Seen as Bossy" by Bonnie Marcus
• "How to Be More Assertive—Without Being ‘Rude’ or ‘Aggressive’" by SELF Magazine

TED Talks:

• "How to Speak So That People Want to Listen" by Julian Treasure
• "How to Be Assertive at Work [WITHOUT BEING AGGRESSIVE]" by Kara Ronin

BOOKS:

• “The Assertiveness Workbook” by Randy J. Paterson – A practical guide to setting boundaries, communicating effectively, and overcoming people-pleasing tendencies.
• “Set Boundaries, Find Peace” by Nedra Glover Tawwab – A powerful book on boundary-setting and self-advocacy, with actionable advice and real-life examples.
• “Radical Candor” by Kim Scott – While this is a leadership book, it’s great for learning how to communicate with directness while maintaining kindness.
• “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker – Not directly about speaking up, but it discusses how trusting your instincts and asserting yourself can protect you from being manipulated or dismissed.

We help women in Milwaukee & Chicago show up confidently in their brand.

Speaking up for yourself is just one part of showing up boldly. The way you present yourself—whether online, in business, or in life—should reflect that confidence, too. If you’re in or near Milwaukee and ready to level up your personal brand with imagery that does the talking for you, let’s book your branding session.

Fill out the contact form below to get started!